June 17, 2010 – Thirteen days until LeBron James can pick his team and the recruiting has reached a new low as someone in New York has apparently named a recruiting team. It’s not enough to have mayors and Presidents beg for his presence or to reach out through back channels to someone on “Team LeBron.” Now we have a real 14-person team whose celebrity, expertise and “story-of-their-success” is supposed to convince LeBron to become Apple-bound.

It’s a New York Knicks leaning roster, not geared for the Nets pursuit of LeBron, likely influenced by James Dolan and his minions, and its another in a cascade of recruiting efforts that make adults look like children. Let’s review the NYC “A Team” and make suggestions of where they could have done better.

THE JOCKS-

Ex-Knicks Clyde Frazier and Willis Reed head this list followed by Phil Simms, Boomer Esiason, Mark Messier and John McEnroe.

Walt “Clyde” Frazier is a Knick employee, who couldn’t get work anywhere else, but he won a championship on the same floor LeBron would play on. He’s a hall-of-famer and true Knick legend and he revolutionized the point guard position with his leadership, defense, unselfishness, passing and team play. He was traded to Cleveland (so he knows the difference), and he’s an African-American (AA for short) basketball player. It’s likely LeBron doesn’t even know about him, because Frazier retired in 1980, four years before LeBron was born.

Our suggestion: Kareem Abdul Jabbar

Why not have LeBron talk to someone who did everything and more than Clyde Frazier, but also grew up in the city, was chased by real fame since high school, can quote John Wooden about winning, made a mid-career move that was championship-to-championship, played with superstars in his supporting cast, and can wax philosophic about having it all and then letting it slip through his fingers?

The same holds true for Willis Reed, a New York hero and warrior, but a guy who has been slapped around by the Knicks as much as he has been embraced. If there were a team in need of a front office official and willing to go with one past his prime, Willis would be working out-of-town. Now, he’d pretty much do anything for anyone, including shill for the Knicks.

Our suggestion: Phil Jackson

Why not talk to a guy with a deep fondness for everything New York stands for despite having made his bones in Chicago and Los Angeles? An intelligent point of view from outside, with wisps of insights involving Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, would be more valuable to LeBron, than replaying how Knick fans are the best and they will cheer for you if you play hurt.

John McEnroe is known as a brat and a spoiled and pampered tennis player who made most of his bones playing outside New York in a game where he only cared about one thing, himself. What kind of insight can McEnroe provide? “I was on top once, and New York was the best place of over 50 places to win a tournament? Or, my boys in Queens would really like if you came. The train from there runs right under Madison Square Garden.” Or how about, ‘take it from me, a guy who grew up with a dad on Wall Street, who had to go to private school and then pay thousands a year for tennis lessons. If I don’t relate to life in Akron, nobody does. And, I can tell you what it’s like to be married to a drug-addled, won-an-Oscar-way-too-soon celebrity or a C-list rock star. Come on, make my season tickets worth something.’

Our suggestion: Bill Bradley

Why not an Ivy-league, Rhodes Scholar, former Knick and U.S. Senator who now works for Allen and Company, one of the biggest deal makers in Hollywood, not to mention the rest of the investment banking community? Real advice is what you are after. Don’t you think Bradley could turn him on to a few guys with ideas?

If Boomer Esiason is an influence then Phil Simms is a hall of fame quarterback. Boomer is a boob, who would bully you at a bar, if he’s surrounded by his fawning friends. LeBron IS a star, not a mediocre and semi-accomplished player who thinks he’s a star. What’s Boomer going to push? The delights of Long Island sans the Hamptons? This guy puts his foot in his mouth daily on radio, on his local TV sports shows and as a national broadcaster that won’t last. I’d keep him miles away from LeBron. Just what he needs to see and hear, the Aryan race telling him what’s cool in New York.

Simms doesn’t fall far from Boomer as far as being Aryan, but maybe one of LeBron’s kids will be a quarterback and Simms can tutor and lobby the boy’s way into high school, college and as a high-paid back-up in the pros. There is that. And there may be a connection to North Jersey, although affluent AA’s tend to prefer Alpine, not the Franklin Lakes area. When all is said and done what’s redneck Phil got to say to influence LeBron? “Do you like pick up trucks? Have I got a dealer for you.”

Our suggestions: Joe Namath and Eddie Murphy

Joe Namath is the only quarterback to talk to about New York. He won a Super Bowl, he wore that fur coat. He had a place called “Bachelor’s Three.” He knew how to party and be the toast of the town. He was on Ed Sullivan and he knew how to walk the street and deal with it. LeBron could use a Namath lesson. If the King weren’t attached, he’d need it even more. Eddie Murphy may not be a sportsguy, but he is a New York guy who travelled the boroughs and tri-state before he hit superstardom and ended up in Alpine, NJ. This fellow could tutor LeBron humorously. Even though Ed is West Coast now, you can’t take the Hudson out of the nephew. He has perspective also, having gone from Top Box office to Donkey voices, but he knows entourages and bodyguards and can be a helpful influence.

Now Mark Messier may actually have a case. He was a superstar who came to town and led a New York Rangers team to a championship after a 40-year drought. There’s a conversation there, something to expand on. But Mess was a hockey player and those guys mostly live in anonymity. In New York at least, Messier dispelled that. But after all is said and done “Moose” is just another Dolan employee. Credibility lost.

Our suggestion: Jason Taylor

It may be too early to offer deep insight on New York, but Taylor is a University of Akron grad, a former six-time pro bowler and once a NFL player of the year. His “home boy” perspective would be more welcomed than a Dolan lackey. Taylor had to weigh some of the very things LeBron has on his check list before signing with the Jets. New York advantages over Akron/Cleveland are especially welcome here.

SHOW/BUSINESS

Where does Chris Rock come off as an influence besides as a guy who has currently surpassed Murphy as the funniest AA? He’s a New Yorker and I guess, he’s a Knick fan, but I never knew it. Something that smells of “bandwagon” here. Nothing Rock has done has been earth shattering. His stand up rocks, but none of his movies has even made the B-list. Why have a career underachiever talking to a career underachiever? If money were the measuring stick, which it is in this case, LeBron already has it. So what can Rock do? Make him giggle?

Our suggestion: Derek Jeter

They could both wear their Yankee hats to the meeting. And the conversation could be about example, class, character and how to handle yourself at all times. Jeter would have an answer to every question LeBron struggles with when it comes to “how to deal with it.” The remainder of the conversation would be devoted to legacy, how to play a career that will be remembered and revered. Jeter may not qualify as show business, but he plays in “the show” and he’s rumored to be marrying an actress.

Why anyone would pick Charlie Rose to influence LeBron is beyond me. The only reason people talk to him is by the advice of handlers who want to project a small-audience, but academic and intelligent point of view. Do we need to think leBron is smart for us to welcome him to New York? Heck no. And how are we ever going to find out about LeBron with Charlie butting in all the time? Maybe this would have more to do with how to convert casual profession relationships into a social life like Charlie does, like when he picks someone to interview who is due for induction into the Rock and roll Hall of Fame and then somehow ends up sitting in the first rows at the induction. LeBron, Chuck Scarborough married a daughter of Henry Ford. You’ll meet far more interesting and helpful people hanging out with them.

Our Suggestion: David Letterman

If you want a TV guy, Letterman is your boy. He makes over $30 million a year, likes sports (just ask him to bring along Bill Scheft) and despite his self-deprecation, he’s pretty much appreciated and loved by the entertainment industry. He has a good track record for picking bad guys as enemies (a good lesson for you to learn) and he’s funny. Just don’t expect to hang out, or find a bubbling personality off camera. He’s the product of low self esteem, therapy and acute negativity. Talk kids and what its like to be famous in New York.

Tracy Morgan is a poor selection. Typical Knicks. No one knows which wall this guy is going to bounce off. He likes girls, partying and getting high. His fame is fleeting, nowhere to SNL to nowhere, to a star on ’60 Rock’ and a bunch of crude one-dimensional movie roles. Why not Mike Tyson? I don’t think LeBron would be impressed by Morgan’s half hour routine of dick jokes, the professional comic’s easiest sign of lazy, mail-it-in, comedy writing. So what are they thinking, LeBron needs some connections to the seedy side and lessons in how to be lazy, not reach your potential and always come up short?

Our suggestion: Howard Stern

If its a strong point of view of how AA life is in New York how about Howard telling some of his stories from Roosevelt High? If its blunt truth you are trying to get across, there’s no one better than Howard. He has real insight on dozens of aspects of LeBron’s possible challenges in New York: money, popularity, criticism, enemies, credible work ethic, challenges to get to the top…and so on.

We guess that putting Donny Deutsch on the list is an attempt to flag LeBron’s marketing desires. Deutsch is a cable TV personality and an entrepreneur who first was successful in advertising. Not a bad angle here, Dolan, but George Lois sitting on your baseline would be a better source of marketing and Knick history. A lifelong season ticket holder, Lois is famous from when Esquire Magazine was famous. So we’ll suggest someone more contemporary. Meanwhile, Deutsch may have some ideas, but how are they going to mesh with Team LeBron and the Nike people?

Our suggestion: Brad Grey

The current President of Paramount may not be available, although he’s a native New Yorker living in LA, but that hasn’t stopped him from garnering independent acclaim while working for Sumner Redstone. If not Grey, then Ari Emanuel, et al, you get the idea. Hollywood deal makers have long ago crossed over to advertising and product placements and a current trend is for Tinsel agencies to buy up sports agencies.

Whoopie Goldberg must be an attempt to have a woman on the list and an AA woman is even better. But what pull does she have? The girls on “The View” will give LeBron their approval? Whoopie at this stage of her career is mostly known for grabbing any gig that pays. That’s certainly not what LeBron needs. Oprah might work, but she’s busy and biased toward Chicago with the President and Mike Wilbon.

Our suggestions: Madonna, Lady GaGa, or Beyonce

Don’t know how these possible assignments would be taken by these ladies. Madonna spends most of her time in London and is something of a loose cannon. What could we expect if Mandingo were to visit her Central Park West apartment on the sly like A-Rod did? Perhaps she’s too dangerous. GaGa might appeal to LeBron’s sense of music production. Her videos are little movies and he’ll know every dance song at all the clubs. Beyonce would need permission from part Net owner Jay Z, but she’s got a fix for basketball if you factor in how many games she attends.

Donald Trump has been on my five most overrated list (with Rudy Guiliani, Oprah, American Idol, and Greg Schiano was just replaced by Catherine Zeta Jones on Broadway) for some time. He is a great promoter and LeBron ‘want him some of dat’. After observing Trump for a while, you also warm to him…he golfs, he has great women in his life, and he’s bounced back from financial ruin, etc. But to hang with Donald means you hang with Regis and you go to Mar-La-Mar in Palm Beach and you meet sheiks and rich people from all over the world. Maybe LeBron would think that to be cool. He might even hook up his mom with someone rather than Omar-strapped-on his cycle with loaded guns, but the Donald looks at them all as possible buyers and renters. In other words, Lebron, there’s not a lot of substance here.

Our suggestion: Steve Cohen

Steve Cohen is the CEO of the hedge fund called SAC, there may be many other “Steve Cohen’s” out there, that’s to say hedge fund leaders, not pages in a jewish phone book, but this guy will do. You see, LeBron, you meet a guy like Steve Cohen and you give him part of your $20+ million a year and watch it grow. I don’t see Donald Trump doing a building with you.

Alec Baldwin and Spike Lee are easy marks. You ask them, what can you do for me? Alec can’t do a thing, except maybe hang out with you, but who wants to hang with a fat, volatile, politically-over-the-top, reformed alcoholic? Nice eye-candy at a fashionable restaurant we guess, but you can do that on your own. Invite Pete Vecsey to dinner. Alec is a sports fan and he does have some interesting friends. But he’s a semi-hot actor, cast away from leading roles, barking about quitting ’60 Rock’ and one false step away from being a cold actor (again). Spike could put you in a movie. How about “LeBron Goin’ to Work”? He’ll also be there courtside to encourage you, but ask yourself why he was wearing a Laker hat last year and in the midst of the Lakers championship celebration? He’s a two-timer, LeBron. Don’t trust sluts like Spike. Next thing you know he’ll be drawing you into some AA cause.

Our suggestions: Russell Simmons, Robert DeNiro, Woody Allen, Al Pacino, Sean “Puffy” Combs

Pick any two. Russell Simmons would be a good source on several accounts. He’s smart and an entrepreneur. Someone you could throw your hat in with or look to for guidance. The hip-hop angle ain’t bad either, because, let’s face it, aside from shooting buckets, what do you like to do most? Puffy fills in here, too. Too bad Jay Z is off with the Nets, cuz he’d be in here and probably with Simmons and Combs at the top of your list. Robert DeNiro isn’t a sports guy, but imagine having Bob tell you about New York, filmmaking, art and introducing you to his friends. He’s also got a son who can sell you a luxury place and he’s partial to AA girls. Al Pacino likes sports but we don’t place him as a fixture at the Garden. But imagine him “taking a flamethrower to them” when LeBron is peeved at the refs. Now Woody Allen, is another matter. The ultimate Knick fan. He can make a film with you and play a little clumsy jazz for you on the Monday nights you have available. More importantly he can teach you the inner working of angst and neurosis that you might catch if your jumper doesn’t hit and you can’t move the team up. He’ll also be able to explain those little fellows that wear black suits and curly sideburns and fashion those skull caps. That, my friend might be the best advice and lessons about New York.