May 2, 2010 – Tiger missed the cut at Quail Hollow playing golf similar to my game. It’s apparent that the events of after-Thanksgiving eve are taking their toll on the chosen one. Team Tiger is at a loss. They can’t put humpty back together again. In fact, their stylings and routine are not the antidote for his troubles. Their system works only if he’s the best in the world. They don’t have a thing for a guy who shoots 43 on the back nine.

The stories out this week were about a possible $500 million divorce and a phone call during the Masters from Elin about the little girl next door in Windemere. Apparently, of the hundred of possibilities that Tiger tested with his libido, his trysts with this little girl hurt the most. Do I hear “babysitter” in the complaint? That’s a healthy category on most porn sites.

The first focus has to go to a guy that thinks he’s entitled to having carnal knowledge with a multitude of gals. The second goes to that libido, seemingly schooled by a well-rounded porn site. His tastes and sense of entitlement conjures mind-turning images of Rick Pitino, his pants around his ankles, atop an assistant’s wife on a dining table at a closed restaurant, with an assistant standing by. Or Ben Roethlisberger with everything hanging out, if you know what I mean, in a barracaded barroom backroom. As athletes these guys rule the roost. As seductors, their skills are a bit underdeveloped.

Elin also has a part in this. She stands to make $500,000,000 for having two kids. Not bad work if you can get it. For those who compare her to Leonardo’s Bar Rafaeli or Tom Brady’s Gisele Bundchen, better think more of a Swedish herring laying on Tiger’s bed. I’ll admit that she out smokes New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s wife, but something was brewing at home between Elin and Tiger, long before he felt entitled to 100 women.

He’s certainly disturbed about losing the two kids and his mother’s respect and some endorsements and adulation that his “James Bond lifestyle” rocked. The money loss will only make him average, although half a billion is a good starting place to add another 20 years of earnings. But that may not be the assumption. Think Tiger Woods as David Duval.

Thusfar, there have been no changes to his team. He’s also got an awful plan for trying to get back to winning. Sitting out in a shitstorm for five months, manipulating the media with programmed announcements coordinated by George Bush’s media strategist. Skipping Tavistock and the Arnold Palmer which would have helped kick the rust. Returning to Augusta where he felt protected and showed pretty well. More time off until soiling himself at Quail Hollow. Calling Hank Haney. Mr. Haney, please. Calling Hank Haney!

Skipping events and hand-picking his appearances won’t work. He needs to play, with real players and struggle through the four rounds like the real players. But the the braintrust has other plans. And Tiger has forgotten how to be “one of the guys.” Perhaps he should call David Duval.