Big and Tall People In The News

I always wondered what football players are thinking when laying on the ground doing leg lifts while Bill Parcells, Charlie Weis or Mark Mangino walked among them exhorting the players to strain themselves. While the players abs are tightening and ready to snap, do you think they focused on that pronounced little pouch of a second belly that protrudes from under the coach’s belts? The irony of the situation is that the term “pussbelly” is a fixture in the coaching venacular, meaning out-of-shape player. I wonder if Mangino has ever employed that term in his alleged derision of his players?

On November 11th, Oprah Winfrey featured Charla Nash, the Connecticut woman whose face was grotesquely disfigured by a neighbor’s chimpanzee. For ratings, Oprah unmasked Charla before her audience. I don’t know what was more shocking, Charla Nash’s disfigurment or Oprah’s girth as she stood up and unveiled Charla’s face. Far be it from me to take on the ‘Queen of Daytime,’ but that was pathetic television and Oprah is fat.

Charlie Weis it appears is on thin ice in South Bend. At his size, it’s a pretty good bet that he’s going to crash through. It’s a good thing that he can swim. That’s what a multi-million dollar guaranteed contract and life rafts galore in the form of coordinator jobs in the NFL will do. Two things stand out from the Weis Years. The first, is that former assistants to Parcells and Belichick (or both) think they can automatically repeat the success away from their mentors. Weis joins Al Groh and Eric Mangini, as plankwalkers following the 2009 season. If they are let go, they’ll join Romeo Crennel, Ray Handley, Dan Henning and Chris Palmer as fired disciples. The second factor is the overrated nature of Notre Dame. With it’s deep history and pockets, NBC contract and national catholic diocese network, Notre Dame football is one of the most overrated phenomena in America. Brian Kelly beware. Without any real football substance, the Notre Dame nation is just a load of people looking to point the finger. This year its stuck right in the flab of Charlie Weis’ belly.

In his two years on the job, Rich Rodriguez has come up anything but Big at Michigan. It seems as though it has been one calamity after another since he came to Ann Arbor as the “Spread Offense Genius,” only to unravel into a failed coach clutching to his job. With the power of 107,000 ticket holders and a influential and wealthy alumni, Coach Rodriguez appears to be one step ahead of the next qualified “Michigan Man” (Jim Harbaugh?) from the coaching scrapheap. Unlike Weis, Rodriguez will get his third year, but the recruiting scrolls don’t show the same promise as from the days of Bo and Lloyd. RichRod prefers players that fit his system. For Michigan fans who don’t know his system, that causes some trouble. Gone are the days of the behemoth offensive and defensive linemen. Gone are the days of a core of Michigan and Ohio high school recruits. Rodriguez is known as an offensive coach, but he’s left his defense to Greg Robinson, a complete failure at Syracuse. It was the defense that was the weakness in 2009. Despite two All Big Ten defensive players (DE Brandon Graham and CB Donavan Warren) the Wolverine defense couldn’t consistently make a stop, negating the fresh opened up offense guided by freshmen QBs Tate Forcier and Denard Robinson. And so as Wolverine fans look forward to 2010, Rodriguez’ top recruit is another quarterback, but he is from Inkster, Michigan. Until Rodriguez recruits defensive stalwarts, the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry is no more. And when that happens, look for a “Michigan Man” to come in and revive it.