July 22, 2009
By Joe Brian

I rode a bike as a kid and consider myself an expert after spending years peddling on my first BMX to a series of designer mountain versions that had more to do with the name spelled across the frames, than my performance on them. But I admit after watching most of the first days of 21 stages of the Tour de France, that I know nothing about the game.

One thing I do know, is that the de Tour is an advertisement for Europe. I have visited Europe so I know about the beauty, the history and the quaint narrowness of their roads and the compactness of their scenic villages. There is an economy to the lifestyle, one without much waste or disposability. You won’t see much eye pollution on this route, maybe an occasional operating quarry, but nothing in the way of billboards, smokestacks or piles of blight. Even the rider’s discarded water bottles are scurried after and picked up by fans as coveted souvenirs. The pristine setting of de Tour may have more to do with selective geography, much like The Masters in Augusta where within footsteps is an American ghetto.

It’s summer in France, Spain and Switzerland, where the riders have taken us so far, so fans take to the roadsides in tents and neatly laid out picnics to celebrate. Flags and whistles are big, like being at a soccer match on the side of a road. Even their RVs are compact little Winnebago Rialtas. So as the 106th event heads to the finish in Paris after 21 stages (and two days of rest) I have a few questions:

1. Why are the teams so important?
2. What’s the significance of the colored jerseys?
3. What is a peloton?
4. What is a chase?
5. What does “same time” mean?

My best guess about the teams is that its strategic and has to do with drafting, pacing, protecting, wearing down opponents and sharing information. There is a 50,000 euro prize to the best team, but that pales in light of the winner taking 450,000. The assumption is that the prize money is pooled among the team.

I don’t get the particular race between Astana teammates Alberto Contador and Lance Armstrong. Contador is the overall leader by 1:37 over Armstrong, and the insiders are already predicting the Spaniard as a repeat winner, barring catastrophe, after 17 stages, with four to go. Armstrong, the 37-year old, seven-time winner, is relegated to teamwork, burying his enormous ego, and splitting nearly half a million euros with his teammates. He knows he’ll still be a hero in the U.S. and that his comeback performance after a four-year layoff might even play better than Contador’s. Armstrong is likely to be the the second runnerup Yank of the month along with Tom Watson.

I think I’ve got the colored jerseysdown…yellow is the overall leader, but he’s never in front of the race. Green is for the best sprinter and polka dot for the best mountain climber, each gathers points for their finishes on these specific stages, the guy with the most points gets to wear the jersey. Each jersey is worth 25,000 euros to the guy who wears it in Paris. The white jersey pays 20,000 euros to the best rider under age 25. With some stages having both mountain and sprint flats, how are sprint and mountain points determined? Sometimes it looks like the scoring makes as much sense as Tony Riali on ESPN’s “Around the Horn.”

The peloton, french for ‘little ball’ or ‘platoon,’ is the large clump of the majority of racers that peddle together in a pack throughout the race. Stronger riders always breakout away from the pack on any given stage. These sometimes evolve into a few groups, spaced out ahead of the peloton. These become “chase” groups. You have the leaders and the peloton, anything in between become “chase” groups, as in first, second, etc.

The most confusing term in the race is the “same time” designation given to a pack of riders that are obviously staggered in a pack when they cross the finish. Maybe its because they are staggered at the race’s beginning and the little GPS/ EZ pass devices mounted between the derailer and the gear sprocket on the rear wheel, electronically records when they cross the start and finishes lines from one point. Or maybe its Riali logic.

What I have learned is that the winner is the guy who stays closest to the front over 21 stages. I’ve also learned that the TV coverage on Versus from what appears like an English crew, could use the Fox Sports technique used in their NASCAR coverage, where colorful pointer graphics show the whereabouts of key individuals during the race from the pulled back helicopter camera shot. The guy calling for shots in the director’s truck could also use a lesson on how to follow his commentators because all he does is jump from one camera shot to another, often pulling off shots when the announcer is explaining a key element of the race. The use of the handheld shots on motorcycles is also hit and miss, with the drivers moving along at will to capture action, often with it having nothing to do with the race. The staging could benefit from more handhelds, some maintaining fixed locations to better capture action in the back of the pack.

Wherever Lance Armstrong finishes, his performance this month has been inspirational and he remains a true hero. I forgive Lance for abandoning Sheryl Crow, Kate Hudson, one of the Olsen twins and even his wife that nursed him through his cancer. Sheryl hangs around Larry David’s environmentally active and obnoxious ex-wife and sang the national anthem at last week’s All Star game. We also learned recently that she performed with and was close with Michael Jackson and his chimp. Kate is with A-Rod now and I don’t get the Olsen’s at all. I’m also not too big on “Livestrong” his money-raising cancer foundation. Hopefully it helps our fellow “chemosabes” more than it does the directors of his foundation.